series finale: “where have you been?”

As you can see my posts have disappeared. No, I didn’t get hacked. I deleted them. I have decided to “retire” from blogging. But it will be in a limited partnership/of counsel kind of way. Keep reading and I will explain. But, first things first. Where I’ve been and why I suddenly stopped. As you know I tried to maintain a level of anonymity with my online presence. Twitter included. But my sister took it upon herself to out me to our relatives and my boyfriend. Which leads me to a background story about the BF because it all ties in.

In my adventures, I met this wonderful guy who we will call J. He is a consultant with an tech/software engineering background. My sister thought it would be funny to joke that if I wasn’t nice to him “maybe he could use his nerd powers to hack into the online world where I live my double life.” Needless to say that he asked to see the blog and he wasn’t impressed. My soft-spoken engineer, lily white mid-western sweetie is not the confrontational type and was appalled by how “antagonistic” (blah blah blah) the page was. In his own words: “Are you trying to get yourself stalked and killed?” *eye roll* And they say we’re the dramatic ones. Anyway, after that incident, I just lost interest in writing and blogging. It didn’t have the same appeal and they actually managed to make me feel guilty. But everything was about to change in ways that I was not anticipating and in ways that would have interfered with writing regardless.

J got tapped for a 18-month (minimum) engagement in the tri-state area. The plan was for him to fly to NYC every Monday morning and come back every Thursday night or Friday mid-day depending on how busy the client was. Either that or he was going to set up shop and rent a place in the NY/NJ/CT area (on the company dime) for the duration of his contract. I tried to be brave but I was horrified. How could this happen? We just started dating and he was going to be taken away from me. I really felt like nothing could go right. To make things worst, he didn’t seem very upset. J didn’t care that he’d be gone? Oh the horror! He asked to meet up to discus something “really important”. And then he asked me about my grad school plans. “Still in the works” I told him and he mentioned how cool it would be to go to school in the tri-state area with that puppy dog look on his face. Um, say what now? J wanted me to apply to schools full time in NYC. “You take care of school. I got everything else.” I talked to my mom and the Christian in her said ABSOLUTELY NOT. I told her an MBA was a good look for my resume. “No amount of education or letters behind your name will undo the irreparable damage to your soul that living in sin with this man will cause.” *Jesus take the wheel* Oh and why can’t I live in a dorm? Like a freshman? No thanks mommy.

But we all know I don’t listen. To anyone. Ever. So I holed myself up, studied for the GMAT, broke 600 and applied for school. When my acceptance letters came, I gave my 2 weeks at work, booked an appointment with the movers contracting for J’s company and started praying that the Lord’s wrath wouldn’t strike me dead for defying my mother. My mom stopped talking to me. My dad would grunt occasionally and my sister was sad. I felt terribly guilty the tension I caused and knowing how big of a risk it was to move and quit my job in this economy for a man who wasn’t married to me didn’t help. I was scared but if I survived playing Russian roulette with my life like this it would only go up from there. It was a serious gamble but I made myself feel better by saying: “I wasn’t giving up my life for a man. I was giving up a little bit so my man can help me move forward.” Justifying it in my head made me feel better.

And here we are. I don’t know how we did it. But we did. I managed to not screw this up and we are still together. His engagement lasted a little less time than planned (15 months instead of 18) but he asked to work out of the New York office until I finish school so he could keep the place. I got an email on Friday with all the readings I have to do for the fall semester. If I can stay motivated until May, I might be able to keep my 3.5 GPA when I graduate.

That was not the smartest move I made but it worked out well because I trusted a quality man who wanted to have a hand in helping me move forward. Do I feel guilty about “living off him”? Absolutely! I would have to have no dignity to not care. But he reminded me that he offered, I didn’t ask. He did what he had to do to keep me with him so I have nothing to feel bad about. So here it is folks. The reason I’ve been gone. I became a full-time student again, moved out of state and I’m living with a boyfriend who doesn’t support my side hustle.

Tune in for future plans on how I plan to maintain an online presence.

7 Responses to “series finale: “where have you been?””
  1. Well congrats to you on everything. I hope that things continue to go well. Your family will get over it, you are grown and you can’t live for them. Always do what’s right for you!!

    • i’m almost done too. my dad cave in sooner but my mom eventually started talking to me again. baby steps… in any case they don’t get to say: “i told you so” because nothing major happen. we didn’t break up and i didn’t drop out. we’ll see. thanks for commenting after all this time!

  2. candogoods says:

    Appreciate your honesty in your life choices. Nice to know you are doing well.

    • Thank you! I am doing fantastic. Because of the bad economy, I am job hunting early in anticipation of graduation. Then we’re planning on looking for a place back in Boston. I feel so lucky because although I went back to school full time, the support I have allows me to maintain a decent lifestyle. I still get to travel when we both get a break, I get my out of town girls’ week ends with the ladies & I got to keep my car. It’s not too shabby being me lol.

  3. glad to know that you are still alive!

  4. Bellydancer says:

    Hey girlie I missed you please come back!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: